The more I immerse myself into the world of weddings, the more I hear questions from brides that start with the words “Is it OK if I”, as if there is some list of rules that every bride must follow on her wedding day , otherwise end up shunned by her family and friends for making a mistake!
Is there a book out there that outlines these rules of weddings? A book that says a bridal party must include 1 person per every 50 guests and no more than that, or bridesmaids must wear exactly the same dress and shoes and makeup and hair, or that the color of the bridesmaid dresses must be carried out into the main décor of the reception space, with napkins and tablecloths matching perfectly?
If so, I’ve definitely failed to read this book, and instead I find myself writing the rules as I go. So, here is a quick list of Miss Elk’s new wedding rules.
1) The ceremony is about the bride and the groom, period. This time should be a reflection of the couple. There are a few exceptions (see rule 3#).
2) Whoever is footing the bill does get a say. I know my first rule said that the bride and groom get to choose whatever they want for the ceremony, but things start to change when someone else is paying. While this nice benefactor's desires shouldn’t be law by any means, they should definitely be considered. And this rule applies in reverse as well, whoever isn’t paying, shouldn’t have a say. Yes your great aunt sally may be upset by the idea of you walking down the aisle to that crazy rock and roll music, but unless she is paying for violinists to play during the walk, it’s not her decision. Again, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to your friends and family and take their advice into consideration, just that you shouldn’t be talked out of something you want by people who aren’t really involved.
3) If a decision affects a guest’s ability to have fun/be comfortable, then that decision should sway towards the guests comfort. A wedding is a time for the bride and groom to celebrate with their closest (and sometimes not so close) friends and family. You are hosting a party for them, and they are your invited guests. Whatever you do, you should be asking yourselves “would I be happy as a guest at this party or would this make me miserable”. A few examples; if the party is during dinner hours, food should be provided. If the ceremony is an hour long, make sure there are seats available for your guests (pretty common sense stuff here!)
4) If a decision does not affect a guest’s ability to have fun/be comfortable, there is no reason to follow any “rules”. As a guest, you would not be affected by the baby pink outfits of the bridal party, or if the gowns they wore matched the napkins, or if there were 30 bridesmaids, or if the flowers were fake. Therefore, a bride can set her own rules for what she likes and doesn’t like (since these elements are all a matter of taste!) despite the norms in the wedding industry.
5) The bridal party members are not your slaves. You are asking them to stand at your wedding because they are important to you! Treat them as the honored guests that they are. Sure, if they offer to help let them! But don’t expect them to bend over backwards to make sure your programs are perfectly embossed- they want you to be happy, but only YOU care about your wedding that much.
Have you gone against the norms of the wedding industry while planning your nuptials? Have you gotten slack for it?
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