Making Our Officiant Official (AKA a plea for help!!!)

It took quite a while to decide who would marry us. We knew it wouldn't be anyone affiliated with a religion, as we want a secular ceremony. Once we had made that decision, I completely stopped caring about this (extremely important) detail for months.

Finally, a friend mentioned how awesome it would be if someone we knew married us, since we had no other requirements of our officiant. I realized this would be amazing. We could have a truly personal ceremony, led by someone who has known us our entire relationship.

Thrilled with the idea, I talked it over with Mr. Elk who also seemed excited (though a little apprehensive at first). Mama Elk was a whole other story. For whatever reason, even though Mr Elk and I are mature enough to be GETTING MARRIED, our friends are not mature enough to marry us. Yes, there is no logic in this at all, I understand. Mama Elk really preferred a Justice of the Peace, and even threw out the idea of having one of her best friends marry us (who has never met Mr Elk).

Mr Elk and I were frustrated- we both felt like it was OUR wedding ceremony, and we wanted it to be personal for us, not her. Finally, after numerous arguments and frustrated phone calls, she agreed. And so we have our officiant! Mr J, as he will be forevermore known, is a friend we met at college during our freshman year. He is very personable, a great speaker, and is wholeheartedly excited about this job! He is taking it so seriously that he even wrote an email to our parents introducing himself and asking that they go to him with any concerns/ideas for the ceremony.

And now, my plea for help. Mr J is not licensed to be a wedding officiant. He is trying to go the civil route, but has met a ton of roadblocks. Nobody he has called so far seems to know anything about what this entails. He plans on talking to the town mayor, and the state of NY! Things are really getting out of control, and I hate knowing he is putting in so much effort and hitting so many roadblocks.

Has anyone done this/known someone who has done this? How did they do it? Who did they contact? If you know anything about this, please let me know!!!

It Takes Two

I can't type those words without thinking of this song!


PS that is Matthew Morrison (of Glee) who was in the original cast of Broadway's Hairspray (which I got to see when I was 16 with that original cast!! Wow, that was almost 10 years ago. I'm old :( )

OK, back to the point of this post. It takes two people to get married, but I've found it takes two to plan the wedding as well. And no, my partner in planning is not Mr Elk. (Personal Photos)

Us in an ever flattering Alfred Angelo dress

Admiring each other in gorgeous Watters gowns

Long before I found Weddingbee, I was lucky enough to have a friend who actually cared about little dumb details of a wedding, because she too was getting married! Bridesmaid K and I met during our first year of medical school. We studied together and became fast friends after she hit me in the head with a cadaver's arm in anatomy lab (she claims it was accidental, but she laughed hysterically).

Anyhoo, since then we have experienced a lot of life's big moments together. We got engaged about a month apart (and we each played a part in each others proposals in strange ways). We went dress shopping together (numerous times!) as you can see above. We are in each others weddings only 2 weeks apart. And we will stand together a week before my wedding to both become doctors at our graduation.

It is a little overwhelming to think about all we have to do wedding wise for not only our own weddings but each others as well. Our bachelorette parties are just a week apart and will take place 5 hours away, and with our weddings 2 weeks apart it makes for interesting honeymoon planning. Some brides may be upset to have another wedding so close to theirs, but I can honestly say that I am SO EXCITED!

Do you have a partner in crime when it comes to wedding planning? Has Weddingbee helped when your friends or family don't really care about all those little details brides seem to freak out about?

Honeymooning Heartache Turned To Happiness

Before we even got engaged, Mr Elk and I were totally 100% on the same page about where we would be taking our honeymoon.

photo by Peter Phipp/ Available here for purchase as print

Oh Santorini, how I would love to bathe in the glory of your beauty! I fell in love with a Greek honeymoon after watching The Sisterhood of the traveling Pants one too many times, and for some reason Mr Elk agreed with me that Greece was the perfect place to relax after our nuptials. But then money woes struck the nation, and we began seeing visions of mobs and hearing stories of transportation strikes. It was all a little too much for us, plus we realized how expensive it was going to be. So I said goodbye to my dream honeymoon and started thinking of other places we could go.

While brainstorming new places, it gave me some time to reminisce about my previous travels. I'm lucky enough to be able to say that I've gotten to travel the world quite a bit. My first major journey happened in college, when I was accepted to go on Birth Right. For all of you wondering what the hell that is, it is a free trip to Israel for people who are Jewish. I jumped on the opportunity for a free trip! Here, me and bridesmaid J are floating in the dead sea:

My next big trip came after college graduation. I had always promised myself I would backpack through Europe if I got accepted into medical school, and I kept good on my promise. This was also the first major trip Mr. Elk and I took together, and it was a MONTH long. And we visited his relatives in Ireland. And did I mention we did it all on a really tight budget? Phew, glad we made it out alive and still like eachother!

Here we are in Paris- these are two of my favorite pictures of the two of us! In this first one we were laying out on the grasses outside of the Louvre drinking wine, waiting for the time when it was free admission for people <24 (because we are cheap! This is an important point).

We next hit up Barcelona, and then made our way to Italy. here we are in Rome:
we also made our way to Florence and Venice before heading north to Berlin. here we are looking like pigs:

Our trip through Europe was amazing!!! But I started to remember how much planning went into it. How I researched where to stay tirelessly, how I spent oodles of hours researching low cost airlines and hostels. How I decided which attractions we would spend money to see and which we would pass up (we didn't go up the Eiffel Tower- 5 Euros was just too much!)

A year after our European adventure, I found myself making another dream come true! I had always wanted to go to Africa, and decided to go through my medical school. Here I am in the town of Mole in Ghana, in front of an Elephant!! This was by no means a luxurious vacation.



Finally, my latest travels were to Japan. Mr Elk, myself, and two friends from college traveled through the country and visited our friend who has been teaching English there since we graduated. This trip was basically a repeat of Europe. We were stingy, staying in hostels, and always looking for a way to save a few bucks

So what did my reminiscing teach me? Well, first of all, The Elks are CHEAP. We do not like spending money, and are very cautious when we do. Secondly, we have never had a truly relaxing vacation. They all consist of traveling from city to city, never forming a travel homebase. Thirdly, our vacations are not what you would call romantic. Staying in a hostel with 10 other people in the room snoring loudly is fine and dandy when you want to see the world on the cheaps, but I just don't think it fits the bill for our honeymoon!!

And so I came up with a few guidelines for what I wanted in our honeymoon:
1)I don't want to go somewhere I have already been. The world is so big, and I want to see as much of it as possible.
2) I do not want to spend our honeymoon traveling from one hotel to another
3)I want to stay in a place that looks romantic enough to be considered a honeymoon spot
4)I want warmth!
5)I want other options besides the beach, because pasty white Irish men don't fair well sitting on the beach all day, and I get BORED easily!
6)I don't want to spend a fortune to get numbers 1-5.

I'm pleased to say that after countless days where I didn't think we would ever find a suitable location, Mr Elk and I have finally agreed on a honeymoon spot! The Elks are going to Costa Rica!!!!

Are you a stingy traveler? Are you letting it affect your honeymoon plans? Oh and if you've been to Costa Rica, I want to hear all the awesome things we should do!!!!!

Deniall, it's not just a river in Egypt

No, that's not a misspelling in the title. You see, today we are going to talk about Mr. Elk and his real name, which sounds just like that river in Egypt.

Ever seen I've known Mr Elk, his name has been frustrating to him. He likes it. It's Irish, and his parents moved here from Ireland in their 20's, so it makes sense. But for some reason, people just cannot pronounce it correctly.

Most people, for whatever reason (I think it MAY have something to do with Frasier), like to magically add an S, which appears out of thin air! Even some of my family members, who he's known for 7 years, have been known to occasionally slip up and add the dreaded S. Other people, upon reading his name for the first time, try to make it sound like Neil... kind of. "Neeh-ahl" they always say in a questioning sort of way, obviously confused as they realize that probably isn't the way to pronounce it. He has even been called Nail once or twice!

Anyway, why are we talking about this? Well...our names will be a pretty major parts of the wedding. I'm not worried about our officiant (who we'll talk about soon enough), but the other vendors, especially our DJ, are concerning to me. You see, some people it seems just don't WANT to hear the correct pronunciation. Regardless of how many times I correct them, they continue to add that S. They think they know better than me how his name should be said aloud!

I plan on approaching each vendor head on with this concern, especially the ones who will have anything to do with addressing us at the wedding. I really don't want to turn into a frustrated Franny at the wedding, and I don't want Mr Elk getting annoyed either.

Anyone else have a semi-hard-to-pronounce name? Are you concerned about the possibility of it getting mispronounced?

A Veil Of A Tale

When I first went dress shopping I had already decided that I didn't want a veil. Why, you may ask, did I make this decision? Well, quite honestly, I think the concept behind a veil is just plain weird. According to Wikipedia "veils covering the hair and face became a symbolic reference to the virginity of the bride", and lets face it, Mr Elk and I have been living together for almost 4 years- that ship sailed a long time ago. (I know a white dress is supposed to do the same, but mine is definitely not pure white- its got a dark ivory underlay) Moreover, stores try to charge at least 100 dollars (and up to thousands!) for a piece of fabric that covers your face for all of a 25 minute ceremony.

While I had made my decision regarding veils, it by no means made me immune to their beauty. I started seeing pictures of gorgeous brides in flowing veils, and began to wonder whether I had made my decision prematurely.

I mean, could this photo be any more beautiful?

image via spinnet and ink/ photo by Aaron Delesie

And then there's Twigs and Honey. I'm not sure if its just this model (who reminds me of Alexis Bledel), but I NEED anything that graces her head. She just makes everything look gorgeous to me.

via Twigs and Honeyvia Twigs and Honey

I was beyond confused, and so I brought the issue to Mr. Elk. The conversation went something like this:

Me: What do you think of veils?

Mr Elk: They're weird, I really don't like them. Why? Are you seriously considering wearing one?

Me: Not anymore.

And there you have it, my decision was made- no veil for me.

Anyone else not wearing a veil? What made you decide not to?

A Note on Getting Shot Down

"You are the bride! It's your wedding, do what you want!"

I don't know about you, but I've heard this about a million times during my year of wedding planning, and I definitely think there is this culture in the wedding industry that the wedding is totally and completely all about the bride all the time. By the time I got engaged, this idea had pretty much infiltrated my brain. It didn't help that I practically had the entire wedding planned out in my head within moments of saying yes!

So when I started bringing my ideas for the wedding to Mr Elk and Mama Elk, it took me by total surprise how often my ideas were shot down. At first, I can't lie, I was pretty annoyed. I was still in this mind frame that it's my wedding and I should get whatever I want. It didn't take long, though, for me to realize how dumb I was being. This isn't just my wedding! If it was MY wedding, I'd be marrying myself! The wedding is to celebrate my relationship with Mr. Elk and the beginning of the rest of our lives together. Of course I need his input! And moreover, I am Mama Elk's only daughter, and her and Papa Elk are footing a lot of the bill (because they want to!). She so desperately wants to be a part of the planning process to spend time with me. In a way, it is her wedding too (well, the party at least).

The biggest example of getting shot down is something I've already discussed with you- having our pooch at the wedding. Mr Elk and Mama Elk are both equally adamant that this NOT happen. I'm not thrilled about being shot down on this one, but recognize that its just not going to happen.

The pooch looking dapper in his bowtie. (This picture is part of the compromise we've made to include the pooch in the wedding- we'll get back to this eventually)

I'm glad I realized how silly I was being, and I'm now able to be shot down gracefully without getting too upset. It is also a testament to my relationship with Mr. Elk that we can compromise on a lot of these details we don't necessarily agree on.

Have you been shot down during the planning process? How have you dealt with it?

hair trial complete!

The other day I stopped into my hair dressers for a quick trim and a hair trial! If you remember, I already bought some fake hair to extend my ponytail and give the illusion of thick hair. Therefore, I knew going into my trial that I wanted a side ponytail hairstyle. I also thought I'd really like to include some sort of braid into my hair. I'm not big on super intricate updos, but wanted to keep my hair out of my face so I wasn't tempted to touch it all night long. Now I forgot my fake hair, so you will have to picture it with a long, thick, curly ponytail, but here is what we came up with: (personal photos ahead)




As you can see the braid wraps around my entire head, not all that defined in the front but gets more defined as it goes. And just in case you need a refresher and don't feel like clicking on the link, here is me with my fake hair so you can see how much length I will gain with Jessica Simpson's Hair-Do:


I think the long hair will really make the style- it definitely looks a little kooky with my tiny ponytail though. Anyhoo, I'm happy with it. I think a hair accessory will make a nice finishing touch, but I can't decide what I should get.

Option #1) large fabric flower: this is really sweet, adorable, and feminine.

via LaBlancFleur on Etsy

Option #2)rhinestone bow: I don't think you guys have really realized my true love for bows, but I LOVE BOWS! they are so cute! and this would definitely elevate my wedding look to a little more fancy.

via Luxe Deluxe on etsy

Option #3: mini orchids/pins scattered in the braid: my florist originally planted this idea in my head, stating that she could provide some mini orchids to be placed throughout my hair. I think this look is adorable, sweet, and fits the look I am going for. Is it weird, though, that I would not be using orchids ANYWHERE else in the wedding?

via Hair Comes The Bride

I am super confused and don't know which accessory would work best. So Hive, please help me! Which one do you like most?!

And was your hairstyle a breeze to decide on, or did it take a while to find something that worked well for you?

Am I really Old Enough?

25<--that’s my current age, and how old I will be at our nuptials. On paper, it looks like a pretty good age to marry. I’m a quarter of a century old, have been through college and medical school, and have been living independently. But in real life I am FREAKING out. How is it possible that I am that old, and that I am getting married (and about to be a doctor!). It feels kind of like the day I realized that I was older than all of the people on The Real World- I always thought THEY were so old and still to this day cannot believe I am that much older than them.

I guess it doesn’t help that I still like a lot of things meant for teenagers. As I’ve shared before, I have a strange love for television shows quite obviously designed to be enjoyed by highschoolers. On any given night I may be watching Pretty Little Liars, or The Secret Life of the American Teenager (I really hate that one, but can’t stop watching!). I have reread the HP series so many times that I am now starting to over think them (I can’t read the 4^th book anymore, too many plot holes). Sometimes Mr. Elk likes to ask how old I think I am, because I clearly can’t believe I am in my mid 20s.

Anyway, my point is that while I have no doubts that I want to be married to Mr Elk and the time is right, it is totally overwhelming to realize that I am actually a grown adult capable of making such a ginormous life decision and actually feel confident that it is the correct one; especially considering I still use fake words like ginormous.

Anyone else get the “I can’t believe I’m old enough to get married”syndrome? How are you dealing with it?

The Dress Is In…..

And it just barely fits. Why was I even trying on my dress 6 months before the wedding (besides the obvious answer- because I finally could!)? Well it all started while dress shopping. I don’t know how this happened, but my body is pretty much the perfect size for almost all sample wedding gowns. It was an amazing (and quite unusual) feeling to put dress after dress on and have them fit as if I had already had them altered. When I found my dress, the sample also fit pretty much perfectly. I was pumped and ready to order.

The consultant came in to measure me and informed me that I should order a 12. Ummmmm no. The sample 10 fit me, and I was not going to order a size up just to spend a bagillion dollars altering it down to a 10. So against the advice of the consultant, and with a signature on my contract accepting responsibility if the dress didn’t fit I ordered the 10.

But that was 8 months ago, and despite the fact that I promised myself I’d restart weight watchers and hire a personal trainer the second I got engaged, I have been pretty much HORRIBLE with regards to healthy eating and exercising, and have probably gained a couple pounds since I ordered the dress. Oh, and I forgot that samples are typically stretched out from being tried on a trillion times a day. So I figured I better go try it on now, hope it fits, and if it doesn’t let this be the point at which I focus on being healthy and losing weight.

And it did fit- mostly. The fact that the consultant was out of breath by the time she closed the clasp at the top of the zipper, and couldn't actually finish zipping it, coupled with the feeling I got of being stuffed into a sausage casing means I am now fully motivated. I guess I've found my motivation.

And now that you stuck with me through all those words, some eye candy of me in MY dress!!! (all personal photos ahead)

Here I am saying "Wow, this is REALLY tight" and my grandma is saying "DON'T TOUCH IT!"

Please excuse the way i am standing. Apparently the second I put on a wedding dress I stand like a doofus. Oh, and I need to put in some cups STAT...there is a severe lacking of cleavage.

I really am flat chested- my boobs and gut form like a straight line here. Once again, I REALLY need some cups.

My first real back shot! I LOVE the back, but think I might add some false buttons (don't want to deal with really buttoning it up) and may also lower the back point inch or so.

And finally, just to prove I'm not lying- You can see the little part of zipper that never made it up:

Did anyone else order a size that wasn't recommended? How did it work for you?

The Secret Rules of Weddings

The more I immerse myself into the world of weddings, the more I hear questions from brides that start with the words “Is it OK if I”, as if there is some list of rules that every bride must follow on her wedding day , otherwise end up shunned by her family and friends for making a mistake!

Is there a book out there that outlines these rules of weddings? A book that says a bridal party must include 1 person per every 50 guests and no more than that, or bridesmaids must wear exactly the same dress and shoes and makeup and hair, or that the color of the bridesmaid dresses must be carried out into the main décor of the reception space, with napkins and tablecloths matching perfectly?

If so, I’ve definitely failed to read this book, and instead I find myself writing the rules as I go. So, here is a quick list of Miss Elk’s new wedding rules.

1) The ceremony is about the bride and the groom, period. This time should be a reflection of the couple. There are a few exceptions (see rule 3#).

2) Whoever is footing the bill does get a say. I know my first rule said that the bride and groom get to choose whatever they want for the ceremony, but things start to change when someone else is paying. While this nice benefactor's desires shouldn’t be law by any means, they should definitely be considered. And this rule applies in reverse as well, whoever isn’t paying, shouldn’t have a say. Yes your great aunt sally may be upset by the idea of you walking down the aisle to that crazy rock and roll music, but unless she is paying for violinists to play during the walk, it’s not her decision. Again, this doesn’t mean you shouldn’t listen to your friends and family and take their advice into consideration, just that you shouldn’t be talked out of something you want by people who aren’t really involved.

3) If a decision affects a guest’s ability to have fun/be comfortable, then that decision should sway towards the guests comfort. A wedding is a time for the bride and groom to celebrate with their closest (and sometimes not so close) friends and family. You are hosting a party for them, and they are your invited guests. Whatever you do, you should be asking yourselves “would I be happy as a guest at this party or would this make me miserable”. A few examples; if the party is during dinner hours, food should be provided. If the ceremony is an hour long, make sure there are seats available for your guests (pretty common sense stuff here!)

4) If a decision does not affect a guest’s ability to have fun/be comfortable, there is no reason to follow any “rules”. As a guest, you would not be affected by the baby pink outfits of the bridal party, or if the gowns they wore matched the napkins, or if there were 30 bridesmaids, or if the flowers were fake. Therefore, a bride can set her own rules for what she likes and doesn’t like (since these elements are all a matter of taste!) despite the norms in the wedding industry.

5) The bridal party members are not your slaves. You are asking them to stand at your wedding because they are important to you! Treat them as the honored guests that they are. Sure, if they offer to help let them! But don’t expect them to bend over backwards to make sure your programs are perfectly embossed- they want you to be happy, but only YOU care about your wedding that much.

And there you have it! These are the rules I have tried to follow and they haven't failed me yet!

Have you gone against the norms of the wedding industry while planning your nuptials? Have you gotten slack for it?